2005-10-12 - 2:19 a.m.
Fuck man. I just spent a long ass time deleting old entries. I figure it's due time to start over fresh. But I'm so tired and zoned out from deleting what like 150 entries, that I just freggin deleted one I meant to keep. Oh sigh!
Man, I am kinda having a period even though I'm not supposed to. It's not like I'm really even bleeding (I'm sure everyone wants to know), but I'm having horrible cramps. Mom called Kelly for me and they called in darvocet for me. I took one at 7pm, and another half at 9:30pm, and I am literally just now feeling it. That's crazy.
I've spent pretty much all my time with Tosha or talking to her. I feel lost when I'm not with her. I care about her so much. She said earlier she's to the point where she doesn't know what she'd do without me and it scares her cuz she's never felt that way before. I understand that, but I hope she can get past her fear. I'd do anything for her. I know it makes no sense, but I know I wouldn't hurt her. I can't even put into words how much I care about her. It's weird, sometimes I can sense her. I don't know how to explain it. I can be laying in my bed and feel like she's there with me. There've been a couple times I've been out on her balcony and I feel like she's come out and wrapped her arms around me. The strangest thing of all is, it doesn't weird me out when I feel it. It's comforting. I wish I could find the words to fit exactly how I feel. She is so good to me and so sweet... god, if only you people could comprehend. Tosha's everything I've wanted and never found, until now. She still says I deserve better, but honestly, she's the best. I'm not sure I deserve her. She's all I think about, all I talk about. Oh Tosha... (insert girlie sigh and little floating hearts here)
So it seems Ash is no longer my friend. She went PSYCHO on me. Started telling me she hates me and wants me to die.. I mean it was crazy. But if that's how she's going to be, it's for the better. I don't need that in my life. I'm sorry she tried to make her life revolve around me, but maybe it's good for her,too. Maybe she'll wake the hell up and realize her life should revolve around her son, not a friend. I'll miss her and I'll miss Cole, but it seems like this needed to happen. Tosha thinks it's her fault, but it's so much more than that.
Ida keeps having these mean moments with me. Like she says shit that she probably doesn't even realize hurts my feelings or pisses me off. And god has the woman pissed me off! I've refrained from going off on her. Kudos to me!
My house is insanely different. I've packed pretty much everything I own. The outside and inside have been painted and we've been decorating. All the old living room furniture is gone and now there's brown leather. A sofa and love seat. I dunno..it's such a huge change not even words can describe.
But holy damn. It's almost 3 in the am and I am so worn the hell out. I'm gonna go pass out.
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| Personality Disorder Test Results
|
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
| Level | Score |
|---|---|
| Purgatory (Repenting Believers) | Very Low |
| Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers) | Very Low |
| Level 2 (Lustful) | Very High |
| Level 3 (Gluttonous) | Very High |
| Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious) | Very High |
| Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy) | Extreme |
| Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics) | Extreme |
| Level 7 (Violent) | Extreme |
| Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers) | Extreme |
| Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous) | Very High |
Take the Dante Inferno Hell Test
You Are Totally a Lesbian
Someone would have to be blind and deaf to miss out on the fact that you are a lesbian.You've been checking out women for so long that you've gotten it down to a science.
You love tits and legs and smarts.
You enjoy sex with ladies, from kissing to banging to eating them out.
You hope to settle down with a woman and make a vow with her for life.
You are most worked up about the lack of a legitimate gay marriage.
Since men are not your thing, legal marriage is a difficult opinion.
You long to live in a lesbian utopia!
Are *You* a Lesbian?
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